The Simpsons

"I put out these milk and cookies as a sacrifice. If Thou wishest me to eat them, please give me a sign by doing absolutely nothing. MMMMmmmm..." --Homer

"There's no such thing as a soul. It's just something they made up to scare kids, like the boogeyman or Michael Jackson." - Bart

"God has no place within [school] walls just as facts have no place within organized religion!"

Homer: Weaseling out of things is important to learn. It's what separates us from the animals ... except the weasel.

Marge: Homer, is this how you pictured married life?
Homer: Yeah, pretty much, except we drove around in a van solving mysteries.

Homer: Kids, kids. I'm not going to die. That only happens to bad people.

Jesse Grass (Joshua Jackson): I'm a level 5 vegan, I don't eat anything that casts a shadow.

Marge: Homer, I don't want you driving around in a car you built yourself.
Homer: You can sit there complaining, or you can knit me some seat belts.